Imagine if you like a retirement village - Portmeirion-style village if you like.

In the old people's home Morrissey's there against his will, being force-fed through a tube because he's been raging about someone who works for the catering company's son's dog who killed and ate a rabbit last week. Either that or is time for this week's sulk....

175 year-old Cliff Richard is having his leather pants stapled onto him as it would possibly break his bones were they to try and force the trousers up his legs. He's dressing up in preparation for an attempt to get another number one single, his 15th consecutive decade with a number one. This one's being released exclusively on a limited mp8...

... and Bono's bagsy-ed the best chair in front of the TV, munching on a cranberry and roasted aubergine sandwich (made from sesame and pecan nut bread) sneering out of the corner of his eyes that he's almost the only person in the room with his own teeth who's able to eat proper food any more. The TV control is lying across his groin, and he sneers his wrinkly face up like an East End gangster if anyone so much as thinks about shifting their arm in the general direction towards intimating that they might want the control to change channel.

Who else do you see there? And what they doing?