Good-intentions but naive student radio presenter: So, the Manic Street Preachers are making their 457,213rd album - the 457,209th since most of their original fans gave a monkey's, what can we expect from this new CD?

Nicky Wire: Well, it's going to be complete pop self-indulgence. It's totally alternative, but it's also going to sell more than [insert manufactured boy/girl band]. But sounding like [cult band who only people with postgraduate Pure Maths degrees could like.] This generation has been all about total self-indulgence, total capitalist bullshit, and public schoolboys listening to their [insert someone who NME like at the moment] records. They need to get [name a famous disease]

GIBNSMR: You sound like a pleasant chap. What's your opinion of Arcade Fire? They remind me of you in your Everything Must Go period. Epic choruses, dramatic, life affirming music..

NW: I think the Arcade Fire are a bunch of self-indulgent, disgusting, leech-like human beings with [removed for legal reasons] coming out of their [removed for legal reasons] like the butchered corpse of [name an obscure politician who has some tenuous link to this band, kind of like the song Revol but not as good.] Their music is the reason British industry will never get back on its feet and comparing us to that is disgusting. Give me [a cheesy 70s disco band] and [a tacky, commercial female singer with gay interest cos the Manics are all for equality, innit] any day of the week.

GIBSNMR: Well, that's quite a mouth you've got on you there. (sarcastically) That's that old-school punk attitude which this country's been missing for many, many years..

NW: Can I also add, [critically acclaimed British indie singer who both indie snobs and musical purists like] is a waste of space. [Obscure politician who Nicky Wire read about in a book once] did [something with no causal link to the above artist] so that must make him a better human being than him.

GIBNSMR: Ok, we've got to cut to the chase, but here it is - the Manic Street Preachers playing their new song, a breath of fresh, snarling, rock-tastic air which will shit on the Tinie Tempah fans and wristband wearing festival indie-schmindie tosspots alike! This is one of the most defining moments of culture since Nero fiddled when Rome burned (even though that didn't happen, but anyway.. Prepare to have your ears syringed and your brains blown against the wall.) Take it away.

(Manics start playing)

James Dean Bradfield: This song is called "Generation Friendship (Song for some Painter only 46-year-old mature students who talk about real ale a lot know about)." :starts playing:

(song ends)

Student presenter: Well, that was the Manic Street Preachers, in their 60th year of existence, and it's great to see a classic record in the charts. So edgy, that "Why does It Always Rain on Me"