A tramp stamp on the lower back of every girl, gothic initials inscribed on the neck of every shouty late twenties male. Middle aged men with faded dedications to long forgotten ex-wives, bulldogs wrapped in the union flag, stars adorning malnourished teenage alterna-wrists, butterflies protruding from waistbands as fleshy muffin tops stretch them like some sort of medieval torture rack. Dolphins on flames leaping through barbed wire love hearts whilst disapproving panthers look on.

Oh no no no, but what about my super cool tattoo, hey? Look it's the cover from Gang Gang Dance's limited edition Japan only live e.p fanclub release!!!11 Yeah, well fasft forward fourty years and wait til you're attempting to explain it to the other members of the Lower Numptyton Parish Council.