There was this gorgeous gal who'd flirt with me but nix my advances on the same floor of our office building. After a month of this yes/no games, she agreed to go out with me. Now, as it happens, I was making a lot of dough as a criminal commodities trader and was severly mugged that afternoon. (Stupid fucker missed the $20K and ran off with a couple hundred.) So I showed up at gal's place with a black and blue face. "Oh, my god you look terrible. Maybe we should call this off..." This outpouring of sympathy should have tipped me off.

Beautiful chick insisted on going to this Italian restaurant, telling me how wealthy and cool her ex-boyfriend was the whole way over. I had a thousand dollar suit on and was in a Mercedes but she made me feel like white trash. But just when I'd about had enough she'd whisper something encouraging and again ole blue had visions of getting wet. So this Italian restaurant was standard spaghetti fare. I dunno what kind of wine she ordered but the freggin' bill was $250! Thank god I still used drugs at the time. I went to the bathroom and did a massive speedball and paid the bill. This seemed to please Hell Girl and again she got all lovey-dovey. "Let's get some booze and go back to my place." All-right! So we go to the liquor store and this broad runs up another couple hundred on several bottles of fine spirits, and then turns bitch again. I took her home, walked around to open her door, took out the booze and said, "I'm cutting my loses here. You are psycho. Good night."

Tell us about your Date From Hell or how a good looking member of the opposite sex made you lose all yer common sense.