My beloved pusscat, Monty, has returned home. He's been in a cattery for over two weeks and, frankly, I was scared for his welfare. He's an attractive beast - both powerful and effeminate in equal measure. I feared he would be persecuted for his looks in there, much like a feline Paris Hilton

I've just returned from picking him up. As I sat his cat box thing down on the hallway floor, he exited with slight apprehension. He then set about inspecting the house, entering every room to make sure it was all up to scratch. Only then did he begin to purr and settle down to a nice plate of Sheba

He's just been regaling me with tales of courtyard scraps with other cats on his wing, and aborted plans to mount the perimeter fencing. Despite his mistreatment, he says he always believed deep down that one day I would return and bring him home

My cat - an inspiration to us all?