STOP PRESS! Dumb pop gossip...

UNDERAGE PUNK SEX SHOCKER!?
Let it be known that pop-punk pipsqueek Avril Lavigne is NOT getting fresh with the God of Fuck. Lavigne, whose pants have been all over the TV recently (I know she's, like, 12 or something, but you probably would, wouldn't you?), has stated that her friendship with Marilyn Manson, who she's been hanging about in hotel rooms with, is purely platonic. "It's so healthy when I can sit down and talk to another artist who's doing what I'm doing" said the whinging little redhead, shortly before slipping on a strap-on and rearing a bunny-headed cheerleader. ACE!

FAKE LEZZA BABY NONSENSE!!
Julia Volkova, who totally got it on with her mate in TaTu in that video with all the rain and school uniforms, is expecting a kid. Really. The self-confessed fake lesbian (they did it for the publicity; well d'uh) and boyfriend Pasha Sidorov are chuffed to nuts. However, Sidorov is already married with a kid! SHOCK! Fellow TaTu faker Lena Katina stated she was happy to wait until Volkova is ready to perform again before trying to regain the duo's filth-pop crown. In the meantime she can, y'know, stop by DiS towers to entertain the troops... or something. DIRRTY!

KELLY SECURES BOO FOR LIFE!!
This is plain boring, sorry: Destiny's Child warbler Kelly Rowland, who tried telling us that Nelly was her flamin' 'boo', has got engaged. Big whoop, people do that all the time. The lucky guy is some football player or something. She had a party at the weekend and everything. I wonder if they had ice cream and jelly? Or, even better, Twiglets? Oooh, I could go for some of them right now... SAVOURY!