Chart round-up: so now we know what The Magic Position is...

Oh Timbaland, indeed…

The mouse-faced shoulda stayed a producer megastar – seriously, Shock Value is one of the worst records we’ve heard so far this year – has a little something to smile about this week, after a month of negative press for said long-player. ‘Give It To Me’, featuring both Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake, is new at number one on the singles chart; it keeps Mark Ronson’s ‘Stop Me’ at number two. Which is the lesser of two evils? We’ll let you decide.

Last week’s number one by The Proclaimers slips to number four, while the next new entry is at 14. And who is it? Welcome back, Gareth Gates! We’ve missed you, and your new song doesn’t sound like ‘No Surprises’ at all. No. ‘Changes’ is absolutely its own thing, a fully original comeback single. Yes.

See what you think.

Muse’s ‘Invincible’ is new at 21, and Nine Inch Nails’ ‘Survivalism’ debuts but eight places lower. ‘Gravity’s Rainbow’, the latest re-release from Klaxons, is new at 35. It is bright. Former Sugababe Siobhan Donaghy - her posters on the Tube are grrrr - sees her new single ‘Don’t Give It Up’ reach the back-pattingly good position of 72. Patrick Wolf’s (pictured) ‘The Magic Position’ debuts at 69. Make your own jokes up, please.

They do write themselves, actually.

Albums! Here’s some news: Kings Of Leon’s Because Of The Times stays at number one. We’d say more about it, but no bugger sent it to us, so stuff you Kings Of Leon. You might have good beards and enjoy sexy time with nice ladies, but we bet you’re no good at darts. That’s right, arrows – come down to the DiSopolis and we’ll Killer you to tears.

At two is Cascada, three Take That, four Nelly Furtado and five The Proclaimers. The highest new entry is by Bright Eyes - Cassadaga debuts at (lucky for some) 13. Arctic Monkeys’ Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not is at 50. Also re-entering the top 75 are Snow Patrol, whose Final Straw is at 55 this week.

Must be some sales on, as Silent Alarm is at 66. A Weekend In The City, Bloc Party’s second LP, is this week’s 26.

Out this week: new albums by The Chinese Stars, Mark Ronson, Blonde Redhead, Shitdisco, Nine Inch Nails, Priestbird, Plate Six and Loney, dear. Some of them are even halfway decent! Truth.