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Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

jonions by Jeffrey Onions [Edit this content] ▾ 37 comments 16:11 February 2nd, 2005
osbourne
Run to the hills! Failing that, get down to Boots and stock up on earplugs. You're gonna need them once these c*nts get back on the radio...

Pop brat Kelly Osbourne, famous for her slaughtering of Madonna classics and bonking of quasi-emo 'hunks', is to unleash her second album through Sanctuary.

The as-yet untitled record will emerge like a gigantic turd through a hosepipe in June, and features tracks penned by Pink collaborator Linda Perry. A single, 'One Word', will precede its release. Billboard describe it as a haunting pop ballad. Pass the bucket, f*cker...

The album is meant to feature songs about date rape and teenagers not getting their own way, 'cause Kelly can, like, totally relate.

I've one word for you, Osbourne: C*NT.

Like that wasn't enough spew-worthy news for you, word's reaching DiS towers that funk-pop BASTARDS Jamiroquai are about to sh*t out album number six. They plan to pass the stool sometime in late spring. A world tour will follow in the summer.

Is it possible to chuck up a lung? I fear that's what this is...

Jamiroquai Kelly Osbourne
From the archive

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

so DiS isnt a kelly osbourne fan ?
why ever could that be ...
soapy | 2 Feb '05, 16:14 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

ahaha! 'emerge like a gigantic turd through a hosepipe'. I coughed up some marmite toast whilst laughing at that.

I applaud you.
Kid_A | 2 Feb '05, 16:15 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Good to see that other people despise Jamiroquai too!
OceanStorm | 2 Feb '05, 16:22 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

I have a fairly crude question but it interests me. Do you purposefully censor the word cunt or is it some kind of editing thing?
Matt_alaskaleft @Kid_A | 2 Feb '05, 16:22 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Ha ha best use of the word cunt i've heard all day!!!!
Surely she only sold about 22 records last time round & therefore her label boss wiped his arse with her contract?
Kleeb | 2 Feb '05, 16:31 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

It's so that people who work/college/uni/aol can giggle at naughty words without their firewall blocking the entire site.
sean @Matt_alaskaleft | 2 Feb '05, 16:33 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Jamiroquai!? Don't they realise Maroon 5 have completely nicked their act now?
Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 16:41 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

but not the hats and the cars. I would say unfortunately but I think I prefer even Jay Kay to Maroon 5
darkpigeon @Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 16:52 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

kelly osbourne i can happily ignore and not give two shits about, but the return of jamiroquai! At least we know what its going to sound like already, as every single song they seem to release sounds alike.
liono | 2 Feb '05, 16:53 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

I like Kelly Osbourne, because from watching The Osbournes I gather that her purpose in life is to annoy Jack Osbourne. Seems like a worthy and noble cause.
Damian | 2 Feb '05, 16:59 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

thats the funniest article i have read all day. well done mr onions
elliotcallard | 2 Feb '05, 17:18 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

absolutely
drummerboi | 2 Feb '05, 17:32 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Kelly is the worst example of humanity I can think of. Spoilt, bratty, talentless little shitbag. I really, really can't stand her. Every word she says is like a turd falling into my drink.
John_Brainlove @drummerboi | 2 Feb '05, 17:37 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

You seem to have an unhealthy interest in defecation. May I suggest years of therapy and a line in behaviour-altering narcotics?
tom_edwards | 2 Feb '05, 17:39 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Seem to have an unhealthy interest in Bill Hicks quotes ;D

Although, there's nothing wrong with that. In the fucking slightest. And if I can change the subject from Kelly Osbourne to Bill Hicks, then all's going well.
Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 17:50 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Still, I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
She's got that Pink appeal.
You know she could kick your arse, but you kind of want her to..
fishplums | 2 Feb '05, 17:59 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

She looks like the fat one from McFly.
Or vice versa, I can't really decide.
igethitbyemokids @Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 18:22 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

yukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyukyuk
timothyspanner @fishplums | 2 Feb '05, 18:37 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

i guess that means Jamiroquai will be playing at V this year.
lurchy2 | 2 Feb '05, 18:47 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

The image of Kelly Osbourne in my bed is one I NEVER wish to have. Eurgh. I feel dirty now. Unclean, even.
Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 18:57 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Aside from al this she's going to be in your faces more than ever. She's become an actress in some O.C alike teen soap.
Patricide @Effloresce_Sean | 2 Feb '05, 19:18 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

IS it just me or is she rocking the Elton look in that photo? I'm seeing peter kay on the casio keyboard at the phoenix club....
FinestLittleSpace | 3 Feb '05, 01:20 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

She's a great actress, honestly. And a great clothes designer. And a great singer. And a wonderful shining example of humanity for us all to cherish.

Whoops, I thought this was the Hilary Duff thread. Kelly Osbourne you say? She's a chunky little heap of talentless rat smegma living off her papa's good name. The only reason she's writing about date rape is because she's jealous that every other celebrity chick around Beverley Hills has been date raped and she feels left out because nobody considers her attractive enough to want to penetrate, conscious or otherwise. You shouldn't avoid drugs because they'll turn you into a mumbling freak like Ozzy: you should avoid drugs because they produce hideous creatures like Jack and Kelly.
DrFurry | 3 Feb '05, 02:04 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

she had a first album?

xxx
-gen- | 3 Feb '05, 03:22 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Uh-huh, on two different labels if I remember correctly...
DrFurry @-gen- | 3 Feb '05, 04:34 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

christ on a bike.

xxx
-gen- @DrFurry | 3 Feb '05, 08:42 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Well SOMEONE got out the wrong side of bed this morning!
DiSvsMatt | 3 Feb '05, 09:25 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

Apparently it was bloodcore folk/jazz fusion revivalist and featured spoken word passages on neo-feminism.
dale @-gen- | 3 Feb '05, 09:38 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

I'm pretty sure that I was standing beside Kelly Osbourne last Saturday outside the Apple shop on Regent St.

Not that I really care nor will anyone else.
johnny_goatboy | 3 Feb '05, 11:08 | X | Reply

-

She is definitely one of the satan's cock sucking talentless pop whores who'd sell her flimsy, transparent LA "soul" for a 5 minute hit that everyone secretly (or not so secrretly in our case) hates.
John_Brainlove @Effloresce_Sean | 3 Feb '05, 11:23 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

I kind of like her, not in a musical way but she cheers me up..I don't know maybe it's because someone once said I looked like her, curiously people have also likened me to Brian Molko...Must be the eyeliner
Slicky | 3 Feb '05, 11:45 | X | Reply

Re: Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

oh. ok. yes, i can imagine that being her sort of thing.

one day, everyone will be as creative as kelly osbourne. until then, we can but aspire.

xxx
-gen- @dale | 3 Feb '05, 11:59 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

She's a fucking twat. She kept turning up to the club I dj at, Hysteria, every week and just hanging around the dj booth for the entire night, and none of us knew her personally. She then chucked her £600 stupid bag at me demanding it be looked after in the booth. Her requests were rubbish too.

The music business does not need her, they have Ashlee Simpson to do that bubblegum rock thing, and she can sing, dance, and looks really good in her trousers.
PRISON | 3 Feb '05, 14:57 | X | Reply

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

GREATEST PIECE OF WRITING I HAVE EVER READ! THIS HAD ME IN STITCHES!!!!
Gee, all I need now is a big rubber boat, take Kelly O, Aslee Simpson, and that cuntface Paris Hilton and shove them all in that big rubber boat, and set them adrift somewhere...In the ocean...Either that, or deport them to France.
jamesmacveigh | 4 Feb '05, 12:58 | X | Reply

i really fucking....

hate kelly osbourne and am rather shocked to see how much news is about her on DiS today....

but i have to stick up for jamiroquai leave them alone! let the funk liveeeee!

papa_smurf @jamesmacveigh | 18 Nov '05, 13:15 | X | Reply

date rape

Maybe you should look at the facts before saying that Kelly Osbourne knows nothing about date rape because if you haven't heard it has happened to her.

shortykms | 14 Feb '06, 08:15 | X | Reply

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