Now I KNOW you've all been there. Rushing somewhere, late, dodging traffic, people and low-flying pigeons, when suddenly you run smack bang into that most feared and dreaded of all the creatures that inhabit the streets by day. The Company Representative. Armed with clipboard, pen and beaming, ever-so-slightly unhinged smile, this unpleasant character has been trained to be ruthless in extracting from you a signature signing away money, privacy or indeed your mortal soul.
A month ago on the way to a DiS meetup [late..yes, it's that crucial factor... they never pop up at any other time] I was cornered by such a person. He cheerily informed me that he was a "Company Representative" of Virgin Energy, and would I like free music vouchers. I gave him a doubtful look and edged away from him but no! He was not to be waylaid in his task. He informed me that by adding my name to the form on his clipboard I would receive free music vouchers or air miles or some such gubbins. Seeing a big old Virgin Energy logo on the form I told him I didn't want to join Virgin Energy and he assured me that I wasn't signing up for that, only their special offer with the free shit. Not caring about said free shit either way, and just really really wanting to get away, I cast my eye quickly over the small print, didn't see anything incriminating, whacked my name and address down on the form and ran away.
Today my "contract confirmation" arrived in the post. With a Direct Debit form for paying my new gas bill. Oh shit.
And yesterday I got harassed by a monk who informed me that sex was bad, mmkay, and I could free myself from the cycle of life and death and improve my karma by becoming celibate like him. And of course I was free to make a donation, in exchange for some lovely scented oil.
Fuck off!!! I don't want your scented oil, I don't want a new gas supplier, or a £40 makeover for which you require me to give out my personal and financial details to a stranger on the street with doubtful credentials - I don't even want the free shit!! Just..piss off!!! I don't want to find out about an exciting new way of finding God, I don't want a credit card, and most of all, I really really don't want to stand on the street like a lemon with passers-by giving me sympathetic looks, such as you would give to a fly caught in the web of a particularly grotesque spider. And I don't want to ring up Virgin Energy and try to explain to them how their evil Company Representative, by way of cunning and deceptive practices, duped me into signing my name to a random form in the middle of the street, and that no, I actually don't want to start receiving bills from them as of the 14th of July... gulp.