You have a fab new phone. It has WAP and everything. GRATE! You are the essence of yuppie cool. Or so you think…
Top 5 Phone Annoyances
1. “I’M ON A TRAIN!”
You will shout this loudly into your phone and then laugh wildly at the thought of having committed one of the biggest mobile phone clichés of all time. To be different, you might shout “I’M ON A TRAIN” whilst you are not on a train, but on a bus. This makes you no cooler. Pretending to use your phone on a plane (“I’M ON A PLANE!”) is only slightly cooler. The totally not cool option is to actually use your mobile on a plane – it of course causes the wings to fall off and the engines to set fire and kill you to death.
2. Talking loudly
You will shout “I’M IN THE LIBRARY” or wherever matches your surroundings in an attempt to mimic ‘Triggy Happy TV’ funnyman Dom Jolly and his big giant phone, without realising it makes your comic genius more akin to that of Bobby Davro. Or Richard Blackwood.
3. Leaving it ringing
You clearly hear your phone ringing but decide to leave it so that everyone in the near vicinity can hear you wacky theme tune to ‘Countdown’ ringtone (which you of course have on full volume).
4. Stopping in your tracks to send a text message (aka ‘txt msg’)
You suddenly stop walking along the pavement as the need to send a txt msg, telling your best friend you just walked past a funny-looking dog, has become too great. Thus everyone else has to walk round you, the god of all phones. Of course the only cool option is to send your txt msg whilst still walking and not looking at your phone (there are university courses you can take to gain a crucial qualification in this).
5. Shoving it down your pants/up your bum
Please note that the vibrate option was not built for that purpose.
Feel free to add to this list. ;-)