The Star Spangles

It’s the tour all the goth-gypsy-hippies have been waiting for. You see all the freaks out tonight waiting to see their rubber-clad idols of piercèd nipples and straining pectorals: the girl with the bejewelled lips and the roses shoved all the way down her panties; the dwarf wearing nothing but a bed of tattoos and more lusciously piercèd nipples; the late-to-arrive-on-the-freak-scene student who clutches his 30-minute beer, tenaciously.

So huff and puff and get there early kids cos you’re gonna wanna get far down in The Pit of Ultimate Destiny and relive every last one of those noodles and thuds ‘til your day of expiration.

Through the swarthy atmosphere cuts a faint figure foursome in The Star Spangles. They are playing to over 3,000 people who don’t want them there. 3,000+ people who mainly just want them to fuck off quickly and die a sorrowful death. Their NYC chic, faux-leather (cos bollocks do you ever find real leather jackets in an Oxfam) appetites are swallowed by few and even as their bluesy punk swagger surpasses any expectation, the crowd’s casual disregard is hardly unexpected. With time they may engulf the outer recesses of the stage rather than the square foot each of them currently occupy. One fears it will go no further, though.

Stellastarr* fared no better, alas. I can never take pleasure in a band performing on a stage that is out of their jurisdiction. Unnaturally and unfamiliarly distant, they never looked comfortable. The black just succeeded in making their presence that bit less obvious. Despite their musical excellence it just didn’t fit in to this splendorous theatre. A sound so dirty and melodic should be appreciated in a club where the dirt flecks scrape your eyes and the melodies just seep through your sinuses, lingering ‘til exhale. I stood there enjoying the music half-heartedly. Unnaturally and unfamiliarly distant. It was awkwardness that is just unnecessary. The half hour would have been rather spent in the queue for another beer in retrospect.

But maybe it just wasn’t the night for any band else. Maybe it was just about Jane’s Addiction. It was always going to be. I got back with my ex the other day. It too, was no accident. It too, is as good as it used to be. And naturally, we still look fucking amazing together.