Nice: You're too thin to be dunked with any conviction. Bottom of the class.
Bourbon: Disappointing... has everything going for it in the chocolate stakes but all expectations of a hot, gooey chocolate cream and tea combo are dashed when the whole thing turns out to be a bit flavourless.
Shortie type thing: Similarly high sugar content to the Nice but thicker so can withstand sustained submersion in tea. Dependable but not exciting.
Custard Cream: Truly the king of all biscuits. Top of the class A+