completly still and roll my eyes every time a new song comes on while sipping at my tropical orange VK.

before you head into town just drink enough so it really doesn't matter where you go. Or drink even more than that so you're too drunk to be let into clubs, that way you've made the effort to come out, but you're blind drunk. Win win if you ask me!

and then post on here the following day mocking everyone involved

then make the moves on his girl and come home early blaming the drink

that way two people get to miss out.

is rather closer to Peter Sutcliffe than Judge Jules then run out of the room howling with laughter and gesturing threateningly at passers by.

The shitter the club, the more likely they'll demand a dress code. If you wear trainers then at the very least you've restricted the night to good old fashioned bar trawling.

and survey the human behaviour with curious amused detachment

run around, sliding on your knees on the dancefloor

thus giving a good get away for last bus excuse or what i would've done when younger - get so drunk i don't even care where i am

then it won’t matter where you go as you’ll all have a good time in each other’s company. It’s your mate’s birthday, and he’d like you to be a part of his special day. Don’t be a tit and get all snobbish on him.

Unless of course you’re so bad at covering your disdain that you’ll kill the atmosphere by looking grumpy.

even if there's no guitar