i used to work on the 3rd floor of an office opposite Manchester Coach Station - always a good place for drunk people,and scottish people, and quite oftenboth. Such types are very keen on fighting and i once saw this puny man with a can of stella in one hand and a pack of marlboro in the other try to beat up two massive security men, who laughed, then pushed him away, then punched him a couple of times, and when he still wouldnt go away one of them sat on him while the other phoned the police.
when they arrived he tried to beat them up too, so they threw him in the back of the van. they all laughed at the van rocking to and fro for a little while, then one of the security men showed one of the cops a bit of the man's blood on the floor, and the copper patted him on the back. Then the police got in the van and drove off. All true.
any more?
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fights
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why have i not heard this before?
because you're a shit brother?
cos i only saw u
about twice a year when i lived up north.
that is an actual lie
I saw two tramps fighting each other
outside my office. They were both drunk and kept missing each other, it was funny in a pathetic sort of way.
when two tramps go to war
a point is all that you can score
:D
:D
:D
UH OH
You starting something?
Want a fight?
OUTSIDE! NOW!
i only fight indoors
why?
You're missing al-fresco violence fun!
when i say "fight",
i mean, "run away"
but that's what i was going to do!
oh its like that is it? YOU FUCK
I'm gonna give you such a good
running away from!
i bet you're a rubbish runner!
Is that what southerners call a binman?
hey, everyone in the "media" has to start somewhere
or do they?
Not sure
I'll have to check with my butler.
i didnt think you smoked?
NOT FUNNY DAN
LAMEbert and butler
a little (malborough) light in sympahty?
Just like the ROYALS?
OH B(loody) & H(ell)
(may)Fair enough!
Butler?
Don't you mean 'domestic assistant'?
Is that what you northerners call cookers?
No, they're 'chefs'
ooowwooo
come again?
fuckign hell what happened to our secret?
I'm tired of hiding.
Pfft. You can't roast a chicken
in a chef.
you've obvs never been to one of the little ones
:D
I have, that's how I know.
Ha ha. Take THAT, Little Chef!
yeah i'm sure you DEFINATLEY wont buy their food,
next time you stop on the motorway and you're starving and there are no other sources of food
Won't happen
I always keep a tin of corned beef in the glove compartment.
1-0 to mr organic huh?!
What if the little key thingy broke?
is that what you northerners call tin openers?
I'd jack the car up
Put the tin of corned beef under one of the wheels, drop the car onto it and then catch the resulting beef splurge in my mouth like Popeye does with spinach.
Don't think
I haven't got this all worked out.
That's actually genius!
The only thing I can think of to top it is to have one of those tennis-ball firing machines filled with scotch eggs!
excpet with mini kievs
We have to make this
except with mini kievs
oooh check out
mr la-di-da with his chicken kievs
Is that what southerners call KFC?
MINI KIEVS ARE NOT POSH
WHEN WILL YOU NORTHERNERS LEARN?
Anything above a Findus Crispy Pancake
is posh to us!
posh people arent taller are they?
shit/10
it was ok thanks.
everythin is above a findus
crispy pancake. they are like rank
I haven't had one in years
so you're probably right, but I loved them as a kid so.. GET OUT!
THE 80'S!
great
lets talk about kids tv. wont that be nostalgic. shit
WHITE DOG POO
beef splurge is served in little chef
Not sure
I'll have to check with the au pair.
is that what northerners
call sex slaves?
northerners dont have sex
there's fuck all else to do actually
thats why there's fuckin loads of them
it's true
I'm having sex with four people right now.
and only 1 of them isnt related
what's the rest of the family up to?
same
wavelength. nice
fighting freaks me out
total buzzkill
^ this
scares me
Once walking from the Coffee House to Oxford Circus
with a collection of DiSers, a man wearing a lot of make up and only a pair of spangly gold hotpants came up to us and in an incredibly camp American voice started shouting at us
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY STREET!"
"Going to the tube" colonol_k chipped up
"WELL I OWN THIS STREET SO GET THE FUCK OFF IT OK!"
"We'll bear that in mind"
Anyway he followed us nearly the length of the street shouting at us, calling us homophobic whilst we all stared straight ahead trying not to laugh.
Not really a fight per se, but I think if he carried on like that, later on on that night that bloke probably get his head kicked in
reminds me of the time
some crazy lady shouted at me for coughing, lightly and into my hand, as I walked past her on the street. She shouted after me that it was harrasment and she was gonna call the police.
everyone was looking at me like id just grabbed her snatch or something
'grabbed her snatch'
amazing scences
is that
scenes or senses? and what would either mean?
It can be which ever one you want it to be
big boy
ok thanks
but its not harrasment. or incest
Thank christ someone else remembers that
I'd almost convinced myself I'd dreamed it.
It was so funny.
We kept laughing and that kept making him more angry and determined to shout ever louder about his fashion collection
didn't he say something about fashion too?
what a wanker.
I think he said
something like "you can't afford to shop here", and because he wasn't wearing any clothes I think we said "well obviously neither can you".
Which was quite witty for chucking out time I thought.
i bet it wasnt you that said it
I was having trouble walking at the time
let alone speaking.
you put an "l" in there ^ by mistake
I wasn't asleep you goon
I DONT EVEN GET IT
You really do need a wheelchair!
I think it was me
cos I'm witty like that
I was in a proper pub brawl once.
Some guys couldn't get served so on the way out they punched the barmans wife in the face. A friend of the barman hit the offender in over the head with a stool, everyone started scrapping. I hit a guy on the head with an empty wine bottle, it didn't break so i legged it, punching a man in the face on leaving just to make it look like i was leaving on my terms.
ace
least you made an effort!
cant believe some people would punch a woman in the face. id have had to have killed him if it was my wife
"it didnt break"
brilliant
fuck
I used to get sent home from nursery
for fighting all the time. I was quite hard when I was three, actually.
Haven't been in a fight since the second year of high school though, when me and the other shortest lad in the year were set up by all the big lads. He wasn't the most agile lad and just ended up lying on top of me - come to think of it I'm not sure what his motives were.