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Playground insults

28 votes
? by doctornovocalcords

I still find the term African Bum Cleaner amusing. Is this offensive?

More importantly, is it intended to denote a bum cleaner who is African or a cleaner who cleans African bums?

doctornovocalcords | 03 Apr '08, 15:47 | Send note | Report this | Reply

hmm

I would take it as a bum cleaner who is African. Now does that mean a lazy african cleaner or an african cleaner who cleans posteriors?

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 15:50 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I have been bending today actually

sheet aluminium.

No trees here though :(

Were you born with happiness?

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:28 | Send note | Report this | Reply

it was a yes/no question

what's it to be?

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:31 | Send note | Report this | Reply

clearly no

as I am not tied to a tree. How would I be on the internet if this were the case?

Et toi?

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:34 | Send note | Report this | Reply

BENDER ON THE LOOSE!

BENDER ON THE LOOSE!
BENDER ON THE LOOSE!

sorry

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:41 | Send note | Report this | Reply

WERE YOU BORN WITH HAPPINESS?

YES OR FUXKING NO?

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:45 | Send note | Report this | Reply

yes

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:47 | Send note | Report this | Reply

yup

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:55 | Send note | Report this | Reply

yes

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:59 | Send note | Report this | Reply

HIV! HIV!

ahahaha sucker

I had an answer for no as well btw.

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 17:03 | Send note | Report this | Reply

SLOW

Arfie | 3 Apr '08, 16:45 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Appallingly racist.

Why does whether or not someone is African have any bearing on their ability (or lack thereof) to clean bums?

bumlord | 3 Apr '08, 16:15 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I knew you'd have to wade into the debate

I wasn't even talking about bum-cleaning ability, you are inferring a lack of ability due to your inherent racism. It just so happens that some bum cleaners are presumably African. It could just as easily be European or Asian Bum Cleaner.

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:19 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I am inferring nothing.

If you asked you what you did for a living you would not say "I am a Chinese Bin Man," you would just say "I am a bin man."

Even though what you really are is a Chinese Bin Man. Do you see?

bumlord | 3 Apr '08, 16:27 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Unless he

only empties Chinese bins.

colinzealuk | 3 Apr '08, 16:48 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I can't remember why and in what

context people used to say this. Can you please do the lead up to the insult?

starshaped | 3 Apr '08, 16:18 | Send note | Report this | Reply

but who would say yes?

It doesn't make any sense.

The *points to eye* "what's this?" and "what colour is the sky?" and "what's the opposite to on?" . . . was funnier.

starshaped | 3 Apr '08, 16:37 | Send note | Report this | Reply

ah so you are not

A Brilliant Child. Interesting...

I can't remember the set-up to be honest but it was something to do with A Brilliant Child or an African Bum Cleaner.

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:43 | Send note | Report this | Reply

yeah

but EYE BLUE OFF!

starshaped | 3 Apr '08, 16:47 | Send note | Report this | Reply

very good

pity the sky is murky grey

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:48 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I've never heard that one

and I still regularly use all the playground insults I've learned over the years

noise_annoys | 3 Apr '08, 16:20 | Send note | Report this | Reply

....

personal fave

'Are you gay or a magician?'
'a magician'
'Poof'

olegrich | 3 Apr '08, 16:30 | Send note | Report this | Reply

:D

shucks | 3 Apr '08, 16:32 | Send note | Report this | Reply

maybe that isn't even your version

and we were just particularly distasteful at our school

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:44 | Send note | Report this | Reply

In our school

it was, 'how do you spell hiv?' (as if it was a word

'HIV'

'Are you positive?'

'Yes'

*Cue screaming*

and this is 8 year olds.

olegrich | 3 Apr '08, 16:46 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I'm going to try that

in my place of work

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:50 | Send note | Report this | Reply

jeez

it goes

'were you born with happiness'
if 'yes' => 'are you postive' 'yes' 'HIV! HIV!'

if 'no' 'you weren't born with a penis? FREAK! FREAK!'

etc. I think this kind of approach introduced me to 'Warlock on Firetop Mountain'

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:48 | Send note | Report this | Reply

it's actually very clever

covers all the eventualities

doctornovocalcords | 3 Apr '08, 16:53 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Kids:

vicious, devious, and quite cunning when it comes to torment

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:56 | Send note | Report this | Reply

there's plenty other positives

'did you see spastics say what last night?'

loses something over t'internet

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:45 | Send note | Report this | Reply

...

Point to eye
Point to head
Point to other person
Waft hand in front of nose

olegrich | 3 Apr '08, 16:40 | Send note | Report this | Reply

hmm

'I have something in my eye, i think it's a piece of skull that was dislodged when you broke my brain, I am trying to cool my frontal lobes down in the hope of reducing any possible sweeling caused by these permutations'

that's a pretty longwinded and lame insult tbh.

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 16:44 | Send note | Report this | Reply

YOUR MUM.

jakam0 | 3 Apr '08, 16:46 | Send note | Report this | Reply

for me

poo head is just the ultimate playground example and i still use it frequently.

you poo heads

ATHENETHEGREAT | 3 Apr '08, 16:48 | Send note | Report this | Reply

fucking

excellent! :)lmfao

PikaStar | 3 Apr '08, 22:14 | Send note | Report this | Reply

bmmrs r df

shucks | 3 Apr '08, 16:48 | Send note | Report this | Reply

MANNY NIBLETS

*mnoh*

TheSoundofBastards | 3 Apr '08, 16:50 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Shut up.

You poo head

jakam0 | 3 Apr '08, 16:53 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I love David S6

AhHHHHHHHHH YOU LOVE DAVID ESSEX

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FUCKERS MADE ME DIO TAYT

LordLuciusBanter | 3 Apr '08, 17:06 | Send note | Report this | Reply

i see

i thought there might be some hidden subtlety to it.

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 17:28 | Send note | Report this | Reply

NO

JUST ME AND MY REALLY FAR FINGERS

LordLuciusBanter | 3 Apr '08, 17:39 | Send note | Report this | Reply

*FAT

TheoGB | 17 Apr '08, 13:26 | Send note | Report this | Reply

haha

doctornovocalcords | 17 Apr '08, 13:32 | Send note | Report this | Reply

well

it's definitely the best two-weeks-late riposte I've seen for some time.

joeymahone | 17 Apr '08, 13:41 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I recall seeing it at the time it was posted

and thought about doing the correction but then thought Nah that would be too pedantic.

doctornovocalcords | 17 Apr '08, 13:43 | Send note | Report this | Reply

motherfucker

ok?

jako_kenako | 3 Apr '08, 17:04 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Goddammit some one reply

mother fucker

LordLuciusBanter | 3 Apr '08, 17:01 | Send note | Report this | Reply

some random knobhead told me I'd dropped my smile a while ago

I told him he'd dropped his gay card and he actually looked.

'Remi Moses' is another favourite playground insult of mine. Variants on the common 'spaz' theme also work well, ie. 'spoon' or 'spanner'.

noise_annoys | 3 Apr '08, 16:54 | Send note | Report this | Reply

There's a flyerer in manchester

who says this all the time. That you've dropped your smile I mean, not the gay card one.

bizzy | 3 Apr '08, 17:01 | Send note | Report this | Reply

if that flyerer is a lanky guy with dreads

then it may well be him. As soon as I started to say I thought to myself what a shit response it was, but I felt nicely vindicated when he looked at his feet.

It would probably have been more satisfying just punching him in the face, but the gay card line was a close second.

noise_annoys | 3 Apr '08, 17:05 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Gypsy/gyppo

remains my personal favourite

theseabass | 3 Apr '08, 17:10 | Send note | Report this | Reply

smeg'ead

is quite a good one.

Donnie | 3 Apr '08, 17:21 | Send note | Report this | Reply

your mum's so fat jokes.

i still use them now, and they don't seem the least bit immature.

twee_loser | 3 Apr '08, 22:19 | Send note | Report this | Reply

"Gaybod"

"Fannyslapper"
"Smegghead" (or Smegg 'ed)
"McFlid"
"Spastic"
"Mong"

Classic.

Jolley | 3 Apr '08, 23:04 | Send note | Report this | Reply

Mong!

I used that one all the time. That and Spacker.

Parsefone | 3 Apr '08, 23:32 | Send note | Report this | Reply

I teach in inner London

...the 'kids' have one insult, and only one insult, which csn be used in any eventuality: 'wasteman'.

As in:
" Why you such a wasteman?"
"Get this wasteman out of my face"
"Me: How was Hitler able to turn Germany from a decoracy into a totalitarian dictatorship?
Child: Because he was a wasteman!"

It seems 'the kids' are much less inventive than they used to be.

small | 3 Apr '08, 23:47 | Send note | Report this | Reply

^

you're clearly a wasteman

intoadream | 5 Apr '08, 14:12 | Send note | Report this | Reply

"Jewish"

started ironically, ended up badly.

Alex_b | 5 Apr '08, 16:30 | Send note | Report this | Reply

jewish was one of my faveourite

childhood insults, untill my parents decided to research the family tree...

Schaffino | 17 Apr '08, 13:34 | Send note | Report this | Reply

i asked a friend

at college if they were an ABC. They didnt find it amusing at all. Lol. Im laughing thinking about it now.

twicetwoequalsfour | 5 Apr '08, 16:52 | Send note | Report this | Reply

im quite

annoyed with myself that i cant not find it funny..

twicetwoequalsfour | 5 Apr '08, 16:54 | Send note | Report this | Reply