High On Fire

i enjoyed that! well dunn mike, so thats why i got to see the ponys..

MERE MORTALS, BOW DOWN BEFORE PIKE.
YOUR PUNY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN GIVEN MEANING.

That review was complete shit-try reviewing the gig itself-not spouting your shitty opinions on how High on fires music isn't pretentious enough to pelase your shitty tastes-as you've wasted my time, let me try to waste yours-no they don't fuck around with electronics or try to subvert eveything they can for subverions sake-they just happen to write very good songs, but I suppose for the indie crowd that isn't good enough-they gotta play their guitar upside down and play off tune notes every un-calculated second and have faggot haircuts and basically not play anything that sounds like metal to be original-cause that's what matters, being different, not being good and enjoyable to listen to.

OK, I'll review his review-

"The Fantastical Fiction: High On Fire are metal demigods. Their pedigree and penchant for the most savage of riffs, coupled with an absolute love of insane volume, renders them untouchable within their chosen field of expertise. They – Matt Pike, Joe Preston and Des Kensel – are to metal what The Spice Girls were to twelve-year-old feminists."

OK-he's told us who they are and what they are-fine.


"They are beyond conventional critical analysis, such is their golden boys status, and their songs – each one delivered with grit, growl and grunt – are psalms to the soon-to-be-slaughtered ranks before them. Fist-pumpingly anthemic, High On Fire are daddies amongst children, wolves within the flock, and men of utmost authenticity and integrity."

Again-more epic talk-may I remind you that this isn't a novel-shit guys-this is a review. Oh but he does say-'each one delivered with grit, growl and grunt'-I think that here he might actually be talking about the gig and not some whacky dungeons and dragons bullshit about High on Fires status...we got a couple words; joy.


"The Bare-Bones Debatable Basics: High On Fire are metal veterans. Followers of their former/other outfits – Sleep, The Melvins, Thrones – have stuck by them through three well-received but completely one-dimensional albums of what roughly sounds like a feverish Motorhead tossing and turning their way through measles, mumps and rubella. Des Kesnel hammers his drums harder than most to disguise his limitations; bassist Joe Preston’s past will forever cloud any perspective on his present; and Matt Pike is a gnarly metal dude whose white vest/silver jewellery combo has him looking like a tramp that’s got lost in Affleck’s Palace, Manchester’s alternative megastore (after a fashion)."

Wow, now I know what they wear-and he managed to pretty much rehash what he's already said-yes, High on fire are a well respected metal band that plays solid metal music-can you please us that once again actually cause I'm not bored of you blabbering on about it.

"They are to metal what The Spice Girls were to pop writers – easy pickings without the need for overtime investment into the music. They are worthy of critical analysis that only goes so deep, for below the surface there is little but sweat, liquor and the faint aroma of cheap women. Fist-pumpingly anthemic, High On Fire are music for flocks of Neanderthals."

Again, more shitty opinions on how High on fire really aren't pretentious enough to apise your gay tastes.

"The Believable Truth: lies somewhere between the two previous paragraphs."

No, you just need angular hair cuts and someone being arty to stay happy


"In front of a crowd that should be bigger, the trio of High On Fire deliver a set guaranteed to both incite bouts of headbanging amongst those usually too reserved for such open displays of devil-horned devotion and to have the ears a-ringing for the following 24 hours."

That's basically the actual review of the actual gig right there/\. Just read it-yeah, awesome review, glad I waided through 100s of words of complete bullshit.

"A song like ‘The Face Of Oblivion’ may seem archaic and sluggish when compared to today’s metalcore crowd, but that’s the point – this is real metal, by real metalheads, for real metalheads.

Looking around at the smiling and occasionally astonished faces, the formula seems just fine"

Again-shut up, you fucking suck cock you assflute-stop reviewing and starting killing yourself

No offence.

haha he said assflute!

hahaha.

(mike youre my favourite dis writer - now that Eyers seldom writes...)

(oh - only just read that you posted "AND... that's the first time I've ever read 'assflute', which is some kind of genius." ) - my initial astonishment still stands.